Wednesday, March 25, 2009

What's my motivation?

When I was in high school I hung out with the drama geeks and acted in a couple plays. I had fun, and found a group I felt comfortable enough with to make it through the only-slightly-less-cannibalistic-than-junior-high years of high school. I never took it too seriously, though. I played at acting.

Some of the the kids I interacted with were very different from me. They went to workshops and studied technique, and when I hung out with them and pretended I was there for reasons beyond having a safe place to eat lunch, I was always impressed by their dedication to their craft.

"What's my motivation?" was a recurring question for them.

Why is my character behaving as the playwrite directs? When he says this, is he speaking sarcastically or sincerely? Is the character being disingenuous when he takes this action, or does he mean what he says?

Stated another way, meaning is not found in action; meaning is found in intention.

My pastor has been preaching through Matthew 5-7, The Sermon on the Mount, for the past several months. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's been a life-changing series for me.

He posed a question to us a couple weeks ago that I can't stop thinking about: Imagine heaven with all of its beauty and blessings, with all its joys and relationships restored, with sin removed and purity and utter bliss. If I could have all of that, and Jesus wasn't there, would I still want to go?

Is Jesus a window to a host of blessings for me, or is He it? Is Jesus what I'm after? Why am I in this thing--Christianity--to begin with?

Is Jesus the means or the end of my faith?

If I really believe something, I will act as if it is true. So if I really want Jesus, if I am His follower and disciple, I will live a life of obedience to His words.

What would that look like in my life? How would Jesus live my life if He were I?

I think I will spend the rest of my life learning what that means.


Marsha said...

I have to say, I've always been more afraid of heaven than the alternate of wanting to go there. I dunno why.

Firstly, it doesn't sound like much fun. I don't want to praise, preach and be peaceful like forever and ever. I want to ski, skydive and all that jazz, you know?

The idea of sitting around blissfully, loving all those people that I don't particuarly like who also ended up in heaven? It gives me the heebie-jeebies. I'd rather be given the opportunity to be a ghost and do some hauntings.

And then have you ever wondered if all your ex's and your dh's ex's were to end up in heaven how in the world THAT works out? If anyone can be forgiven and go to heaven, how do I know I won't live next to Charles Manson or something?

I don't know. Heaven is sort of an elusive biblical topic for me as I can't seem to wrap my mind around it the right way. It scares me more than encourages me.

Sarah said...

I've always thought that heaven will be like earth, only more, you know? Beauty without the suffering, skydiving without the fear of death or injury.

My thought is that the same God who made us want to chase after that thrill isn't going to expect us to sit on a cloud and strum a harp, kwim? That's some Hallmark card writer's stereotype.

And I hope--I really do hope--that part of God wiping every tear from our eyes will take away the pain and anger I still hold towards those who've hurt me and those I love.

Marsha said...

I do hope you're right since we're all destined to die at some point. I'd hate to think of living forever in a place that would drive me bonkers in the long run. But, that would be hell, wouldn't it?

Sarah said...

LOL! Yeah, kinda by definition...

Lisa said...

Thank you for Conversion Diary for helping me find your blog. As a former drama geek in HS, I really love your analogy. You've brought something up I've never given thought to before.