When I was in high school I hung out with the drama geeks and acted in a couple plays. I had fun, and found a group I felt comfortable enough with to make it through the only-slightly-less-cannibalistic-than-junior-high years of high school. I never took it too seriously, though. I played at acting.
Some of the the kids I interacted with were very different from me. They went to workshops and studied technique, and when I hung out with them and pretended I was there for reasons beyond having a safe place to eat lunch, I was always impressed by their dedication to their craft.
"What's my motivation?" was a recurring question for them.
Why is my character behaving as the playwrite directs? When he says this, is he speaking sarcastically or sincerely? Is the character being disingenuous when he takes this action, or does he mean what he says?
Stated another way, meaning is not found in action; meaning is found in intention.
My pastor has been preaching through Matthew 5-7, The Sermon on the Mount, for the past several months. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's been a life-changing series for me.
He posed a question to us a couple weeks ago that I can't stop thinking about: Imagine heaven with all of its beauty and blessings, with all its joys and relationships restored, with sin removed and purity and utter bliss. If I could have all of that, and Jesus wasn't there, would I still want to go?
Is Jesus a window to a host of blessings for me, or is He it? Is Jesus what I'm after? Why am I in this thing--Christianity--to begin with?
Is Jesus the means or the end of my faith?
If I really believe something, I will act as if it is true. So if I really want Jesus, if I am His follower and disciple, I will live a life of obedience to His words.
What would that look like in my life? How would Jesus live my life if He were I?
I think I will spend the rest of my life learning what that means.